Faith Through the Journey

Throughout the Bible, God encouraged His people to acknowledge His faithfulness and even commemorate significant milestones and events with altars, sacrifices and feasts. God did this because He wanted His people to be constantly reminded how much He loved them and how He cared for them, continually providing for their needs and leading them to places He had prepared for them.

Acknowledging and being thankful for God’s goodness and faithfulness is an essential part of our worship as children of a loving God today. If worship is our response to God, why would we not show Him our gratitude for all the favor He has shown us? Admittedly, there are times when we can’t see the goodness of what He is doing or giving us, but those are the moments when He begins to grow our faith and ask us to trust Him.

In June of 1974, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease the day before I graduated from high school. Crohn’s Disease is an inflammatory bowel disease, meaning that my digestive system didn’t work correctly and I often needed to get to the bathroom in a hurry. For anyone, this is not a pretty illness, not one spoken of in polite conversation. For a teenage girl, having a bowel disorder was downright embarrassing. Fifty years ago, this disease was a medical mystery. Doctors didn’t know its cause–it was treated as a psychosomatic illness brought on by stress–and I was sent to the Mayo Clinic because they had seen more of it than my doctor in a small city in Wisconsin had. I was given steroids and sulfa drugs and sent on my way with little further instruction about managing this mysterious illness. Being a rather strong-willed person (i.e. stubborn), I was undeterred in my plans to go to college in northwest Arkansas, 700 miles from my home in Wisconsin. This Crohn’s nuisance wasn’t going to bother me–until the first fever spike and hospitalization and a doctor who had to go back to his medical books to find out what to do with me. This became the pattern of figuring out how to manage my life as a college student with an illness that few understood or knew how to treat. Add to that the premise that we were dealing with a stress-related illness and me being a person who always wanted perfection and it was not a recipe for success. My four years of college, in addition to earning a degree, were marked by a wonderful time of making lifelong friends and learning to walk more closely with Jesus. I had some wonderful Bible professors who constantly challenged me to grow in my faith. Crohn’s was in the background of my life most days, but there were times I was reminded of its presence and prayed through the hours of pain. Little did I know how much I would need to remember those important lessons I was learning in my walk with Jesus as I faced what was turning out to be a lifelong journey with Crohn’s Disease.

The strange thing about Crohn’s Disease is that it can all but disappear from your life for years at a time, until you think it’s gone and you never have to deal with it again. I was blessed to marry my wonderful husband and have two children before I was suddenly reacquainted with Crohn’s Disease in 1988. One memory I will always have was being home with my 16-month-old daughter, extremely sick and rewinding “Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree” and reading “Where’s Spot?” until my husband got home with our 4-year-old son. I went to the hospital that afternoon and didn’t come home for 12 days, having had my first bowel resection and entering the world of post-surgical Crohn’s Disease. I had to get reacquainted with my children when I came home and suddenly be careful about everything I did with them. Neither of our families lived anywhere near us and my mother had come to help take care of the children while I was hospitalized and when I came home to recover. We had an amazing church family who surrounded us and helped us navigate some of our “new” issues, many of which we were continuing to encounter as life unfolded. Surgery was a temporary fix for this particular incident, but since Crohn’s is an autoimmune disease it meant that we would have to figure out how to live with it going forward.

In 1990 we were blessed with our third child and the Crohn’s continued to be quiet. For a number of years, I underwent what became routine exams like GI x-rays and colonoscopies. The biggest problem came from post-surgical bowel obstructions, “kinks” that developed due to scar tissue. These were extremely painful and required hospitalization and IV pain medication until they resolved. Probably the hardest thing about these obstructions was the fact that they came on suddenly, unpredictably, and often in the middle of the night. When you have three small children, going to the hospital in the middle of the night is not ideal. It was a blessing to have our church friends we could call to stay with our children in those emergency situations. The one thing that bothered me most about that was that I would put them to bed at night but not be there in the morning, and I couldn’t explain why because they were asleep!

Crohn’s Disease flared, and we continued to try different medications. By now, we had a cause and classification of what we were dealing with–Crohn’s is now known to be an autoimmune disease, so a new world of treatment was being tried. Our children were growing up, and school and activities were starting for them. Of course I wanted to be there for them and make sure their life was as normal as possible regardless of the fact that I had this crummy disease. I rested during the day as much as I could so that when they were out of school I was ready to get the kids to after school activities and sports. My husband traveled for work so there were times I was solo parenting, as many parents do! We had a wonderful Christian school family as our children grew up, and they were a great support and help through the years we shared school projects, sports, carpools, everything you do as parents sharing life.

With more years of Crohn’s came more surgeries – 1996, 1998, 2003, 2006 and 2012. Each one required a hospitalization of at least 10 days, a week of a torturous instrument called a nasal-gastric tube down my nose and throat, walking the halls of the hospital pushing an IV pole getting my digestive system to work, and in the earlier years having others helping take care of my family and making sure my children didn’t miss out on their activities. Truth be told, there were years I hated Crohn’s and I know my family probably felt the same way. I felt terrible that my children and my husband had to deal with this disease and I wanted so much to be better so that they wouldn’t have to think about whether or not Mom would be OK. There were plenty of days I felt sorry for myself and my family was tolerant of my pity parties, bless them! Crohn’s was a digestive disease, but also a very painful one and dealing with pain management doctors was another dimension of treatment for which we were not prepared. There were days we knew discouragement and our faith was tested. The very practical annoyances of having to know where a bathroom was wherever I went was always a part of whatever we did, and needles were another awful nuisance. My veins roll and disappear, and when I had to have frequent IV insertions this was an ongoing trial. My arms often bore black and blue marks that looked like I had been through combat. My GI doctor even facilitated getting me a handicapped parking permit when I shared with her that walking across parking lots in the South Texas summer heat was taxing during the seasons of chronic fatigue that often accompanied Crohn’s flareups.

My parents had to learn to trust God when I moved across the country as an 18-year-old college student with an unknown illness. My husband has stood by me through countless procedures and encouraged me when I was ready to give up. I remember one summer when I was going through a particularly rough time and I heard the Steven Curtis Chapman song “I Will Be Here” for the first time. It expressed so perfectly how much my husband has gone through in walking beside me and holding me up (sometimes literally!) over the nearly 43 years of our marriage. My children have grown up to be successful, compassionate adults who learned to trust God and have their own relationships with Him. My brother, who became a doctor, became our amazing medical consultant and navigated many situations with us-he is home in heaven and we miss him every day. Our families have been a part of our story because of their support, their love and their prayers and faith. We are not perfect and we’ve definitely had our moments of questioning God and asking why we’ve had to go through these years of health challenges, but He has never been offended by our questions or even our anger. He is a big God, after all!

We had an even bigger curve ball added in 2017 when I was diagnosed with cancer caused by the medication I had been taking to keep Crohn’s from returning after my 2012 surgery. One more time I would have surgery, this time on my tongue, altering my speech forever and maybe affecting my ability to speak and sing. Once again, God was faithful (should I have doubted?) and six months after my cancer surgery I was able to rejoin the worship team in singing praise to God. Because of a certain component of many biologic drugs used to treat Crohn’s Disease, the very thing that allowed the cancerous tumor to grow under my tongue, I can no longer take any of that class of drugs. Currently I’m not on any type of immunosuppressant medication, which definitely puts me at a high risk for a Crohn’s flare. I don’t dwell on this, but I am aware that my current remission is somewhat miraculous considering my very long history.

Many years ago the verse that continued to come to me was 2 Corinthians 12:9: “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” For 50 years, God’s grace, strength and endurance have been sufficient to see me and my family through the multitude of challenges that Crohn’s Disease has brought to us. There’s a verse in Joel that talks about God restoring the years that locusts have eaten, and in many ways I feel that we have been given the gift of these recent good years. While this is not a journey we would have chosen, neither would we trade it for the lessons of faith we have learned. My mother loved the Psalms and turned to them often during her lifetime. Psalm 91 has these words: “”He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. Because he loves me, says the Lord, I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges My name. He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.”

“All my life You have been faithful; all my life You have been so, so good. With every breath that I am able, Oh I will sing of the goodness of God.”

“Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Lord Acton wisely spoke these words in 1887. There has been a disturbing trend in our state that those who hold power feel they have the right to dictate their wishes to all over whom they wield their power, and that these must fall into lock step or become victims of political and personal revenge.

There is nothing honorable or right about seeking your own revenge; it is very arrogant and even dangerous for politicians to self-righteously quote Scripture to support their quest for political revenge, inferring that somehow they are acting on God’s instructions to take down political enemies even when they use dishonest, unethical means to do so. Romans 12:19 tells us not to avenge ourselves, but that instead “vengeance belongs to God; He will repay”. In the immediate result, they may get what they want-but God says that along with that He will send an empty heart, a “wasting disease”. Make no mistake – God will not be mocked. They will reap what they have sown, because God sees it all and is not pleased with their unrighteous deeds.

Our human nature that cries out for wrongs to be righted was given to us at creation, but the ultimate judge and Righter of wrongs is God – His is the final decision and nothing is hidden from Him. People may seem to get away with injustices for a time, but God sees. Our world–starting with our state–is crying out for someone like Nathan who spoke truth to King David when he needed to hear it most. Speaking truth to power is probably the most thankless and unpopular assignment one can receive, and yet it can turn the tide and change the direction for a group of people that can have a far-reaching impact. A leader who is willing to admit they have made mistakes AND is willing to correct them will have the support of the people, contrary to what some might believe. Leaders with humility are true servant-leaders, the kind Jesus called us to be

As humans, we are bound by the limitations of time. Hours, days, months, years, we measure events in our lives in terms of time. Time can be an ally or a foe, depending on the situation. Throughout history, people have both suffered and benefited by the passage of time–time that moved too quickly or too slowly, depending on what exactly they were waiting for or hoping would happen.

We cannot control the passage of time. Indeed, God has determined each of our days before one of them has ever come to be, as written in Psalm 139. God has His own timetable for human history. As we watch our world today there are many times we wonder how much longer we can go on in our current state of war, strife, and seeming chaos at every turn. But God’s concept of time is vastly different that ours. He is not bound by earthly measures of time. “With God, one day is as good as a thousand years, a thousand years as a day. God isn’t late with His promise as some measure lateness. He is restraining Himself on account of you, holding back the End because He doesn’t want anyone lost. He’s giving everyone space and time to repent” (2 Peter 3:8,9). We cannot possibly understand that kind of love, the love that waits, WANTS, keeps pursuing no matter how much rejection is thrown in His face, continuing to offer His very best gift to every single person who has ever lived up until their dying breath. God’s perfect timetable also includes His message of eternal life through the death and resurrection of Jesus being proclaimed throughout the whole world. His message of eternal life has always been for everyone, everywhere, and it is able to go into many more places throughout the world now than it ever has before due to modern technology.

God’s timing for the human race and our existence here on earth is known only to Him. But the longer He waits, the more opportunity people have to come to Him and the more He will rejoice over each and every one who accepts this gift and will spend eternity in heaven with Him. He WANTS everyone to come, He is pleading with every human being in order to rescue them from eternity without Him. He will not force anyone to come, however. It is up to each and every person to choose–while God still gives us time.

In the life of the child of God, there are no wasted experiences. Nothing comes into our lives that has not passed before our Heavenly Father and been approved by Him for entry into our lives. Every joy, every milestone, every annoyance, every frustration, He knows them all. And He sees US in the midst of them. One of His names is El Roi, the God who sees. In those moments when we are tempted to wonder if He’s paying attention to what’s going on in our lives, be assured of this: HE SEES US.

Every athlete knows that most of the work they put in is never seen. The countless hours they spend training aren’t seen by cheering fans, but they know that those hours are essential if they want to reach the elite level of competition they desire. They train hard so they will be ready for that moment they are called on to show what those long hours of work have produced.

So when God comes to us with an assignment–after we’ve been through this training time–we suddenly realize He DID see us, He DID have a plan, and all that training had a purpose after all! The equipping He does in the hidden places prepares us for that shining moment, whenever and whatever it might be. And Hebrews 12 tells us that not only does God see, but the applause of heaven goes with us as well.

Recently I’ve been reading a book by David Jeremiah about the prophecies of Daniel. One of the truths he has written about this remarkable man is that God used him and, at times, his three friends, in situations over many years in godless, brutal kingdoms.

Sadly, we as humans seem to focus on the spectacular events recorded and the amazing ways God used His children or gave interpretations of dreams, something no earthly magicians were able to do. But these are not just stories, and Daniel and his friends always gave glory to the God they knew was responsible for the miraculous solutions. In our self-centered, narcissistic society, we tend to believe that these amazing occurrences are all about the people, when in reality they are all about GOD!!!

God chooses to act on behalf of His children, especially in difficult circumstances, ALWAYS for the purpose of glorifying Himself. Lest this seem self-serving of Him, WHO ELSE DESERVES THE GLORY??? The wonderful God of the universe acts on our behalf and we receive great blessing, but ultimately we must point to this God as the One who deserves all the praise, worship and glory. We deserve NOTHING but eternal punishment and only His great love and mercy toward us give us the opportunity to be rescued and blessed by the God of all creation.

Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego understood this truth, and never once did they back down from believing that the same God who allowed them to be taken into captivity could rescue them in seemingly impossible circumstances. They understood WHO they were worshiping, and staked their lives on the fact that the God they knew was trustworthy. Yes, they were the beneficiaries of His physical rescue, but more than that, in their hearts they KNEW that whether they lived or died, they were HIS. And when He rescued them, the first thing they did every time was to give ALL the glory and praise to God.

God knew who He was putting in those strategic places. He knew that these men would indeed glorify Him, and He trusted them with these assignments. Granted, they were pretty scary assignments, but God knew they were prepared and they knew HE WOULD NOT FAIL THEM.

It’s a scary thing to think about whether or not we’re the kind of people who will glorify God no matter what our circumstances are. Is my goal that His name will be lifted up? Even more, am I willing for His to be the ONLY name that is lifted up, and mine isn’t even mentioned? We do know that God won’t send us into a place He hasn’t prepared us for, and like the three men in the fiery furnace, He will be in there with us! Knowing we HAVE to have Him makes it MUCH easier for us to declare our dependence upon Him. Jesus’ last words to His followers were to go and tell the world about Him. It is never about us! It is always to be about Him! And yes, He deserves ALL the praise and glory!

Birth order and family positioning are part of our identity from a young age. There are stereotypes about oldest, middle and youngest children and their behaviors and characteristics. In our nuclear family of five, I was the middle child. There were my parents, my two brothers and myself, the only girl, which added a different dimension to the “middle child” identity too.

Over the course of time, our family grew through marriages and children being born, and that family grew to number 15. In 2002, our dad, Bob Whitcomb, our beloved patriarch, went to be with His Savior and family dynamics changed. My mom, Jan, continued as the steady matriarch but my older brother, Dr. Randy Whitcomb, began to fill more of a “patriarchal” role as well. The family kept on growing and pretty soon there were 31 of us!

Then in 2020, our much-loved brother Randy lost his hard and bravely-fought battle with ALS and joined Dad in heaven. Randy’s illness and homegoing left a huge hole in our family and our mom struggled with it especially as she approached her 90th birthday. COVID was also hard for Mom as she wasn’t allowed to have us come into her senior living facility. Once restrictions were lifted, I made plans to go to visit her.

However, before I could make my planned visit, a phone call from my younger brother sped up my trip and I needed to get there quickly. Once I arrived, I knew that this wasn’t something that Mom would recover from, that we were indeed looking at end of life decisions and comfort care. I was very grateful for the opportunity to have those days by her bed to read the Psalms to her, to tell her I loved her, to just talk to her. As her family, we did NOT want her to suffer or prolong her life for our sakes, just because we weren’t ready to let her go. The last night before I left her bedside, I told her that if she was tired, if she was ready to go and be with Dad and Randy, it was okay with us for her to go. She wasn’t conscious, but I believe she heard me nonetheless. Then I spoke the words of the Numbers blessing over her: “Now may the Lord bless you and keep you; may the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.” When the phone rang at 4 am the next morning, I knew she was with Jesus.

That was also the day I turned 65. I think everybody felt worse for me than I did for myself, but I knew how Mom was suffering and I was grateful that she was finally free. I couldn’t help but feel anything but relief for the end of her suffering and gratitude for her wonderful life. One of my sweet friends made the observation that Mom had two of her greatest life moments on June 6: she had me and she saw Jesus face to face! The days ordained for Mom ended on June 6, 2021, and that was His plan for her.

During the following week as we were working on carrying out Mom’s plans for her funeral-she was very thorough!-we did have to make some decisions. My brother deferred to me and made the statement “You’re the oldest now.” That was my first reality shock! My immediate reaction was “I don’t know how to be the oldest! I’ve always been the middle!” In reality, however, I was now indeed the oldest not only of the three children, but of the original nuclear family of 5.

For as long as I can remember, our parents prayed for each of us daily by name. When my dad went to be with Jesus (and I think he talked to Him about us personally!) my mom continued to pray for each of us. We kept her busy because the family grew and her prayer time increased with each new name. Now that Dad, Mom and Randy are home with Jesus, who is going to call out these names in prayer? It didn’t take long for me, the now OLDEST, to realize that this prayer mantle was now being passed to me. While I don’t have a monopoly on praying for them, I do feel a strong conviction and responsibility to my family to keep bringing them to the Lord, as my parents did for many years. In Isaiah 6:8, the prophet says “I’ll go! Send me!” Being the oldest is an unfamiliar lane for me, but I am blessed to call each one my family and to faithfully pray for each one! It’s a really beautiful privilege!

The word worship probably brings a number of things to mind for most people. Worship happens in a church, it’s very reverent, solemn, serious, maybe kneeling or bowing one’s head is involved, but always a posture of respect. We call our church services “worship services”, and we assume that when we go to church we will be worshiping God. These are all good ideas, but may be missing the mark.

I went to a small Christian college in northwest Arkansas, where I had some wonderful professors. One in particular, Dr. Walters, gave us the challenging assignment or writing a paper on the subject of worship. We were to use only our Bibles, formulate a definition of the word worship, and write a five page paper supporting our definition. My research-and subsequent class discussions-brought us to the relatively simple definition of worship as being this: Worship is our response to God.

Obviously this is a wide open definition that can mean a whole range of options as to how that response is expressed! Our worship is an expression of or gratitude for all God has done for us. Depending on how much emphasis a church puts on our relationship to Jesus and our love for Him, expressions of worship will look very different from church to church. If our relationship to Jesus is casual, or formal, our worship will probably reflect that as well.

A number of years ago I was invited to become a part of our church’s “worship team”. This meant that I would be privileged to sing onstage and help lead our church family in singing praise to God. As our team prayed before the services, we asked God to make our hearts pure so that as we led our church in worship, our offering of worship would be pure as well.

During those years of helping lead the church in worship and sharing life with my “teammates”, God was working in my heart as I was not only leading others in praise, but responding to Him as I worshiped as well. Over time, the microphones and lights faded and what mattered most was just praising Jesus and making sure it was all about Him, not the performance-THAT was the worship He deserved!

The very interesting and special thing about worship is that it can happen in a huge crowd, or when we’re all alone. Because worship is all about our response to God, loving Him wherever we are makes it possible for worship to break out anywhere we are! In truth, at this point in my life, my most meaningful times of worship seem to be happening when I’m walking in my neighborhood listening to praise music, or even on the treadmill in a crowded gym as I’m plugged into my latest praise playlist! Never mind the funny looks I may get from people, I’m just loving Jesus! And somewhere in heaven, I think Dr. Walters must be chuckling over the fact that I finally understand what he was trying to teach us about worship!

However you respond to God, quietly or exuberantly, PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT YOU DO RESPOND!! He loves you and wants you!!

We live in a tangled, mixed up, broken world. This is nothing new, of course, since sin entered the world in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. We need look no further than that first sin, when Eve disobeyed God and her husband Adam joined her. The one who perpetrated the deception has been active and deceiving the human race ever since. The deception, the lies, the marks of Satan’s work being those of stealing, killing, and destroying, are rampant in the world and have been ever since he first persuaded Adam and Eve to disobey God. He also seeks to confuse, to divide and cause chaos whenever and wherever possible.

As Americans, we have seen a terrible downward spiral in our country’s moral standards, especially in the area of our children and the value of their lives. Beginning in 1973, we have seen the murder of over 60 million children before they ever took a breath, as their mothers chose to abort them. The constant, relentless attack on our children is continuing at an unprecedented rate. If we don’t value their lives before birth, is it any wonder that our children are the target of a culture of confusion, that we value our tech toys more than spending time with them, or that we either make idols of our children or expect them to fulfill us? That many who work in the schools are leaving the teaching/helping professions because the children are out of control and the parents refuse to discipline them at home or back up the school officials who have to deal with these behavior problems?

Astoundingly parents who raise concerns about what their children are being exposed to in school are being labeled as the problems, as some sort of dangerous extremists! There is no one who has a greater interest, a greater stake in the future of their children than parents, and yet even the President of the United States dares to assert that “they’re all our children!” No sir, they are not!!!!

God has much to say about children. They are gifts from Him, lives to be valued and cherished, cared for and loved. At the same time, we must shape their lives because they are human and need guidance as to what is and isn’t acceptable if they want to live in a world with other people. God gave this privilege and responsibility to parents primarily, and to those who will come alongside them to teach and train their children so that they will be ready to function in the world. But above all, THEY ARE CHILDREN!!! They are not capable of making potentially life-altering decisions about drastic medical procedures, nor should they even be exposed to the possibility of doing so. As parents everywhere will tell you, their children go through many phases and change their minds often about activities, ambitions, friends, etc.

One of the most disturbing aspects of current society is the complete confusing of gender being forced upon children. God said in Genesis that He created TWO genders, MALE AND FEMALE. That gender is determined from the moment of conception, and THAT WILL NOT CHANGE!! Children should never have to deal with ANYONE trying to confuse them as to whether they’re a boy or a girl!!! And any adult who encourages a child to lie to their parents about this is one who should NEVER be allowed near children!!!!! Jesus found children extremely valuable, and He wanted them to come to Him. He was also very clear about how children should be treated. “But if you give them a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of their simple trust, you’ll soon wish you hadn’t. You’d be better off dropped in the middle of the lake with a millstone around your neck” (Matthew 18:6). We must protect our children, not turn them into some kind of social experiment. They are gifts and should be treated as such.

Another of the very sad and even sometimes dangerous consequences of the transgender movement is the unfairness happening to young women in competitive athletics. Biological men who are now claiming to identify as women are besting biological women in competition, in which, of course, they possess an unfair physical advantage. All of their years of work now mean nothing because they are competing against biological males, and some have even been injured in competition because of course the men possess so much more muscle mass. If these men have gone through puberty, they are no longer on a level playing field with the women against whom they compete. There have also been incidents of sexual assaults in locker rooms where biological men who are now identifying as women are sharing facilities with biological women. All of the strides women have made in athletics are in danger of being lost because they can be rendered meaningless. Once again, the consequences of the confusion being perpetrated upon our children when they just want to do something as simple as go out and play sports is robbing them of the simplicity of childhood!

This is a battle for our children and grandchildren, and we cannot afford to lose to the enemy of our souls. I Peter 5:8, 9 says: “Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith…” We’re fighting against the spiritual darkness and forces of evil, and we need to fight on our knees. God loves our children and grandchildren even more than we do, and He gave them to us as His very best gifts.

Birth order and family positioning are part of our identity from a young age. There are stereotypes about oldest, middle and youngest children and their behaviors and characteristics. In our nuclear family of five, I was the middle child. There were my parents, my two brothers and myself, the only girl, which added a different dimension to the “middle child” identity too.

Over the course of time, our family grew through marriages and children being born, and that family grew to number 15. In 2002, our dad, Bob Whitcomb, our beloved patriarch, went to be with His Savior and family dynamics changed. My mom, Jan, continued as the steady matriarch but my older brother, Dr. Randy Whitcomb, began to fill more of a “patriarchal” role as well. The family kept on growing and pretty soon there were 31 of us!

Then in 2020, our much-loved brother Randy lost his hard and bravely-fought battle with ALS and joined Dad in heaven. Randy’s illness and homegoing left a huge hole in our family and our mom struggled with it especially as she approached her 90th birthday. COVID was also hard for Mom as she wasn’t allowed to have us come into her senior living facility. Once restrictions were lifted, I made plans to go to visit her.

However, before I could make my planned visit, a phone call from my younger brother sped up my trip and I needed to get there quickly. Once I arrived, I knew that this wasn’t something that Mom would recover from, that we were indeed looking at end of life decisions and comfort care. I was very grateful for the opportunity to have those days by her bed to read the Psalms to her, to tell her I loved her, to just talk to her. As her family, we did NOT want her to suffer or prolong her life for our sakes, just because we weren’t ready to let her go. The last night before I left her bedside, I told her that if she was tired, if she was ready to go and be with Dad and Randy, it was okay with us for her to go. She wasn’t conscious, but I believe she heard me nonetheless. Then I spoke the words of the Numbers blessing over her: “Now may the Lord bless you and keep you; may the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.” When the phone rang at 4 am the next morning, I knew she was with Jesus.

That was also the day I turned 65. I think everybody felt worse for me than I did for myself, but I knew how Mom was suffering and I was grateful that she was finally free. I couldn’t help but feel anything but relief for the end of her suffering and gratitude for her wonderful life. One of my sweet friends made the observation that Mom had two of her greatest life moments on June 6: she had me and she saw Jesus face to face! The days ordained for Mom ended on June 6, 2021, and that was His plan for her.

During the following week as we were working on carrying out Mom’s plans for her funeral-she was very thorough!-we did have to make some decisions. My brother deferred to me and made the statement “You’re the oldest now.” That was my first reality shock! My immediate reaction was “I don’t know how to be the oldest! I’ve always been the middle!” In reality, however, I was now indeed the oldest not only of the three children, but of the original nuclear family of 5.

For as long as I can remember, our parents prayed for each of us daily by name. When my dad went to be with Jesus (and I think he talked to Him about us personally!) my mom continued to pray for each of us. We kept her busy because the family grew and her prayer time increased with each new name. Now that Dad, Mom and Randy are home with Jesus, who is going to call out these names in prayer? It didn’t take long for me, the now OLDEST, to realize that this prayer mantle was now being passed to me. While I don’t have a monopoly on praying for them, I do feel a strong conviction and responsibility to my family to keep bringing them to the Lord, as my parents did for many years. In Isaiah 6:8, the prophet says “I’ll go! Send me!” Being the oldest is an unfamiliar lane for me, but I am blessed to call each one my family and to faithfully pray for each one! It’s a really beautiful privilege!

The turmoil of these days is so great, bad news seems to abound. It would be so easy to despair – and I have a couple of times. My heart breaks for those suffering loss, becomes anxious about international turmoil, and greatly distressed about the volume of social unrest being forced upon us, and particularly upon our children. My anxious heart has cried out more than once, “God, are You still there? Are You still listening?”

Throughout Biblical history, different civilizations and people have risen and fallen, They have occasionally tried to do battle with God, believing that their gods were just as powerful as Almighty God Himself. The Egyptians, the Philistines, even the Israelites who followed the idol Baal were all crushed by the power of God. When He is directly challenged, God will ALWAYS defend His reputation. He will never surrender to a lesser god. He will NEVER stop being God! He will also not be mocked, as Galatians 6:7 says. What we sow, we will reap.

God has not let go of the world, or left it to spin our of control. He is still perfectly in charge of it all, in spite of what it may look like at the moment! He has not stopped being God! And because He is God, He is ALWAYS love!

“The Spirit and the bride say, ‘Come!’ And let him who hears say, ‘Come!’ Whoever is thirsty let him come, and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.” Revelation 22:17

God has NOT stopped being God–the all powerful, all knowing, all loving, all forgiving God, and HE NEVER WILL!